Wrestling

Driving back home today after dropping the Darling Munchkin off at school, I was listening to Victory FM, the local Christian station, and two songs came on which really touched my heart.

The first was a well-known hymn, sung by the group Avalon: "My Jesus, I Love Thee" -

My Jesus, I love thee, I know thou art mine;
for thee all the follies of sin I resign.
My gracious Redeemer, my Savior art thou;
if ever I loved thee, my Jesus, 'tis now.

I love thee because thou hast first loved me,
and purchased my pardon on Calvary's tree;
I love thee for wearing the thorns on thy brow;
if ever I loved thee, my Jesus, 'tis now.

In mansions of glory and endless delight;
I'll ever adore thee in heaven so bright;
I'll sing with the glittering crown on my brow;
if ever I loved thee, my Jesus, 'tis now.

That second line, "for Thee all the follies of sin I resign," just about stopped me in my tracks. It reminded me that - after all Jesus has done for me - I haven't been a very good disciple to Him. I've failed Him in many, many ways, and yet His grace abounds to me lavishly each and every day. How often I've dismissed His gentle reminders, and ignored His commands!

It's certainly not a comfortable thought, especially after the "high" of completing the Christmas Series.

The second song was "Until," sung by Mark Harris of 4HIM (a group I really love) on his solo debut album, The Line Between the Two. You can hear a sample of the song at that Amazon link, but the lyrics of the chorus got me:

Until this mountain moves,
Until the path is clear,
Until Your voice
Is the only one that I can hear

And, unfortunately, I didn't get the second half of it (drat). But the song talks about waiting on God and His timing. Many people, including some Christians, think that waiting on God is a passive thing, but the sense I got from this song was more active. It takes determination, perseverance and dedication to wait on God. We often don't understand His timing or His plan, and we want things done right now.

But we forget that His goal is not to make our lives easy, but to make us holy as He is holy. His ultimate purpose of displaying His Glory is accomplished in part by conforming us to the image of His Son.

*sigh*

I'm not very much like Jesus.

Yet, I must remember not to be discouraged. I have God's promise that He will complete His work in me, and God's promises never fail.

So, I need to be patient, yes - but I also need to buckle down and do some work.

OK, Lord, here we go again: Is this the thousanth or the millionth chance You're giving me? Thank You so much for Your love and forgiveness... And feel free to keep smacking me upside the head until I "get" it!

Comments

[Red Queen]

1.

Kat, Thanks for being so real today in your blog. We are the children of God and just like your Munchkin will always recieve love and grace and tenderness and dicipline from you, so also will you ( and I) receive that same lovingkindness from your Father. We are so blessed and so unworthy, and that cannot speak positive about us but only about His amazing awesomeness and the fact that He is willing to see good where we only have shame. I love ya, Sis!

[David]

2.

R'cat,

Thanks for this reminder. Still, don't excoriate yourself too harshly. Look at yourself through Jesus' eyes, as it were, and see the good, too.