My post this morning about some of the frustrations I've been having with my walk with God has drawn some wonderfully encouraging and helpful feedback (thank You, God, for these friend's You've given me!), and I decided to do a sort of follow-up based on a couple of songs I was listening to on my way home this evening.
First, "Revelation," by Third Day off of the Revelation album. I've liked Third Day for a long time - they mix good ol' Southern rock with wonderful doctrine and theology, and Mac Powell has a great voice, all rumbly and growly. Great band, and very highly recommended!
My life has led me down the road that's so uncertain
Now I am left alone and I am broken
Trying to find my way
Trying to find the faith that's gone
Except that it's never really gone. I fall by the wayside, I neglect the Word, I wander off into my own little indulgences, and before I know it I'm mired down in petty little sins that break my sense of intimacy with God. He hasn't gone anywhere, but I've gotten myself lost and need Him to guide me back to Himself.
This time I know that You are holding all the answers
I'm tired of losing hope and taking chances
On roads that never seem
To be the ones that bring me home
Isn't that always the case? When I go off and follow my own road, it only ever leads to disappointment, worry, and frustration! I get so tired, trying to be the one who is in control of everything, the one who has to plan and manage and arrange to make things work out to get home... But the thing is, I'm NOT the one in control - He is. He holds all the answers, and He stands patiently, watching me fumble and bumble and hurt myself; and when the time is right and I'm ready to listen, His gentle voice reminds me that Father who loves me is waiting.
He is waiting to take my hand, pick me up, and carry me. He is waiting to teach me and guide me. He is waiting for me to pour out my heart to Him and to help me trust Him and follow Him. He's waiting to lead me back to the path that will bring me Home.
Give me a revelation
Show me what to do
'Cause I've been trying to find my way
I haven't got a clue
Tell me should I stay here
Or do I need to move
Give me a revelation
I've got nothing without you
I've got nothing without you
"Oh, God!" I cry out. "Father, help me! I'm so tired and I feel so sad and alone and frightened! Tell me what to do, show me where to go..."
I confess my foolishness and sin; I confess my ignorance and pride; I admit my selfish, rebellious ways. I have nothing without Him: nothing is right, nothing makes sense, nothing brings peace, nothing offers shelter, nothing eases the open wound that is my heart and spirit.
And then God comes and reminds me, "Child, I have never left you, and I have never stopped loving you. My Son paid for your sins; none of your failings have surprised or disappointed Me, for I knew them before you did them. But My Blood has covered it all, and all you need is to stay close to Me. I hold you in my hands where ever you go, and I will lead you back to Me, always."
My life has led me down this path that's ever winding
Through every twist and turn, I'm always finding
That I am lost again
Tell me when this road will ever end
And my ever-wandering heart, the heart of a stupid sheep, still likes to wander off away from the protection of the Shepherd, and I get lost again.
Every time, He comes to find me, and I am so glad that He is God and not I - for I would have cast me out long ago!
I don't know where I can turn
Tell me, when will I learn
Won't you show me where I need to go
Let me follow your lead
I know that it's the only way that I can get back home
I think it's getting better: my periods of wandering are slowly getting shorter, and my inclination to push and push and push ("Will You love me if I do this? Or this? How about this?!") is fading when put next to persistent, pursuing Love, who shelters me under His wings and leads me home...
And this brings me to the other song I heard on the way home - "You Rescue Me" from the album Aware by Salvador. Salvador is a relatively newish band (to me, anyway), and they have a LOT of variety of style. "You Rescue Me" is a simple, quiet reflection which just reaches in and touches my soul. It gently reminds me of how loving, how faithful and protective my Father is...
Something in the motion of my history
Like a desert highway flying under me
All these guilty wounds that cannot be redeemed
By time, by time
Even if I am perfect from this moment to the end of my life, nothing can make up for my sin in the past. No matter if I lived a million years in perfect obedience and love toward God, the scars of those guilty wounds would never begin to fade.
If I were perfectly obedient, that is only the basic requirement God commands; it's hardly anything special that would earn me any merit. It's simply my duty - and I cannot perform that duty for even a minute without failing.
I am a sinner, lost in sin... And I cannot rescue myself.
Aching in a place that only I can see
Tears have a way of catching up to me
All it ever takes is a glimpse of something free
Like birds in flight
And the ache I feel inside, the sense of guilt and unworthiness, the hopeless quest to DO something that might earn me freedom from the chains of sin, is overwhelming. I see beauty in nature - the glory of a sunrise, the swift passion of an eagle in flight - and I see it all from behind the bars of my corruption.
So I'm giving up on clarity
'Cause I want to trust when I cannot see and
So I'm giving it up. I'm releasing it to the Man who knew me before I was born, who set His love upon me, and who paid my insurmountable debt because He loves me!
You rescue me, You hear my cry
You shelter me through the night
And You are my strength when I am in need
You are my God, You rescue me
God, You are my strength and my shield. You are my strong tower. You have reached down, pulled me from the pit, and set my feet on the Rock of Your salvation.
Caught between the ocean and eternity
Broken by the weight of my attempts to be
Everything that everyone expects of me
This time, and every time
Have you ever tried to wrestle the sea without a boat or even a friend to stand by your side? Just like the relentless and unending assault of the waves, the expectations of the world can crush you. Your family depends on you, but you are only human, and you get sick or break under pressure. Your job expects you to perform, but you make a mistake or don't know an important fact. Your friends need your counsel, but it's hard to balance your friendship and speaking truth, and you fumble.
On and on and on it goes, trying to bear up under the impossible burden of not disappointing anyone.
But there was only one Man who bore that burden and never failed - and He gathers me into His arms to give me His strength and His perfection
So I'm giving up my righteousness
'Cause grace, alone, will give me rest 'cause
Only the grace found in Christ - the love, the forgiveness, the adoption into His beloved family - can give true rest and peace, because He will never leave me or forsake me.
ONLY His perfection, His faultless life can heal my wounds and erase the scars sin has left on my life.
You rescue me, You hear my cry
You shelter me through the night
And You are my strength when I am in need
You are my God, You rescue me
My help comes from God. My strength comes from Him, my direction, my faith, my righteousness, my health, my family - my whole life. Everything comes from Him. It is He who reached down to a corpse and gave me true life, new life, in Him.
He rescued me!
I lift up my eyes to the hills.
From where does my help come?
My help comes from the LORD,
who made heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot be moved;
he who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, he who keeps Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
The LORD is your keeper;
the LORD is your shade on your right hand.
The sun shall not strike you by day,
nor the moon by night.
The LORD will keep you from all evil;
he will keep your life.
The LORD will keep
your going out and your coming in
from this time forth and forevermore.
It seems He pulled TWO of His sheep out of the rut yesterday! I had an incredible moment of my own, thanks to His patience and everlasting grace. It's so good to see that your walk down the Narrow Path was also made a bit straighter!
Ever forward, sister! The Wicket Gate awaits! ;-)
--TwoDragons
Posted by: Denita TwoDragons | July 29, 2009 at 11:57 AM