I don't know that life is a circle as much as it is a roller coaster...

Daddy came home yesterday from the rehab/nursing home. He'd been very unresponsive this week (something we're getting far too used to, sadly), but perked up yesterday afternoon before his ride home. His eyes were open and watching me, he made a few attempts to talk, and when I suggested I read to him (from Just So Stories, a family favorite since forever), he was able to indicate which story he wanted to hear ("The Coming of the Armadillos") . He slept all through the ride home in the medical transport, and settled in here quite quickly.

One day, I think he's hours away from going Home, and the next, I'm thinking that I might get to keep my Daddy here on earth a little longer.

Sorrow, joy, anxiety, bafflement, confusion, tenderness, fatigue, hope.... As I said, a roller coaster of emotions.

Yesterday the local Christian music station, Z88.3, played a song by Tenth Avenue North - "Hold My Heart" - that really expresses my feelings right now:

How long must I pray, must I pray to You?
How long must I wait, must I wait for You?
How long 'til I see Your face, see You shining through?
I'm on my knees, begging You to notice me.
I'm on my knees, Father will You turn to me?

One tear in the driving rain,
One voice in a sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breaking heart?
One life, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Would You come close and hold my heart

I've been so afraid, afraid to close my eyes
So much can slip away before I say goodbye.
But if there's no other way, I'm done asking why.
I'm on my knees, begging You to turn to me
I'm on my knees, Father will You run to me?

One tear in the driving rain,
One voice in a sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breaking heart?
One life, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Would You come close and hold my heart.

So many questions without answers, Your promises remain
I can't see but I'll take my chances to hear You call my name
To hear You call my name

One tear in the driving rain,
One voice in a sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breaking heart?
One life, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Won't You come close and hold my heart.

Hold my heart, could you hold my heart?
Hold my heart.

I'm on my knees, Father, needing Your wisdom and Your strength to navigate these troubled waters. All I can do is rely on Your grace and mercy. Help me trust my Daddy to Your care and believe that Your will is good and perfect. Help me become more Christlike through this trial so that I may bring glory to Your name and honor to my father's life.