Well, I have been wanting my own pet troll for awhile, and meatbrain is the only one so far that I've found. As trolls go, he's not bad, although he does tend to get rather repetitious and boring after a bit. However, I wanted a troll, and this appears to be the one God has chosen to give me.
I really rather like God's sense of humor at times...
Now, as my friends know, I banned meatbrain yesterday after his intransigence on this thread. Unfortunately, this caused him to go on over to Rocinate's Burdens, the author of the first of the two articles I quoted, and I really don't want to inconvenience Roci with this little... bundle of sweetness and light. And therefore, I lifted his ban, and told him he was allowed back here.
After all, I'm going to buy stock in bleach and antibiotics - I ought to rake in a fortune!
However, since we are all civilized people here, I'm going to outline the Rules of Engagement for mocking meatbrain.
- First and foremost - meat never gets to link to his blog here. His trackbacks are not allowed, he may not add hyperlinks to his blog in his comments, and I will never actively link to him in a "Mocking meatbrain" post. Ever.
- Secondly, meat will be restricted to (oh, I'm feeling generous) three questions per thread. He may not rephrase, he may not add, and he may not ask questions on another topic. Three questions, three questions only, and they must remain exactly as he originally writes them on the thread.
- Thirdly, meat must answer at least one question for every two comments he posts. He may even choose to answer one of his own questions, I don't care. But, for the conversation to progress and be productive, meatbrain must answer questions, too.
- Fourthly, I promise I will not edit meatbrain's comments except a) to remove any profanity (but, to his credit, I don't recall that's he's ever used it), b) to remove embedded URLs breaking Rule One, or c) to add any pithy comments I feel like - but I will make it quite clear that they are my remarks and not meatbrain's.
Now, for my dear blog-friends and myself, these are our rules:
- First, no ad hominem attacks. You (my blog family and I, of course) may not call meatbrain a moron, an idiot, a fathead, an a**hole (remember my Rules for Chatting in the CatHouse), etc. However, you may criticize his actions, statements, and attitudes all you like. No swearing, of course. But, while you cannot say "meatbrain is a moron," you CAN say, "meatbrain, your statement is moronic." Oh, and needless to say, threats of physical violence are not allowed. meatbrain is of a delicate nature, and would never dream of engaging in fisticuffs. Even mild insults tend to send him into a tizzy. Poor baby.
- Second, you may ask him all the questions you like, but please keep them relatively impersonal. I really do not want to know the details of meatbrain's private life; my stomach isn't that strong. Feel free to repeat the question as often as you like, certainly you may accuse him of evading it, and of course you may switch gears entirely in the middle of the argument - even if everything goes hopelessly off topic. I realize this may mean that meatbrain's original three questions may never be answered, but - hey! - that's life sometimes. Too bad.
- Thirdly, in the comments on "Mocking meatbrain" posts, you may choose to simply ignore him and talk about the weather, or what you had for dinner last week, or the movie you saw last night, or the vacation you're planning next month - I don't care. You might even take a stab at reading his mind (although I'm not certain there's much there - "See Dick run" is probably as sophisticated as it gets), or maybe you'd like to speculate on his fashion sense (or lack thereof), his eating habits, his profession (now remember, he's got a tender ego - don't be mean!), or his dating success. However, remember rules one and two for us, all right?
- Finally, we will all agree to never ever EVER visit meatbrain's links if a) they link to his blog, b) they're a "tiny URL" type link, or c) we don't feel like it.
There, I think that about takes care of it. I think these rules are entirely fair and reasonable, don't you? I may add to them or tweak them as I get suggestions from my friends, but I think these will do for now.
Oh, and I should remind meatbrain of Rule the Third as well as the second-to-last paragraph of my Rules for Chatting in the CatHouse:
Rule the Third: All opposing opinions are welcome, as long as they are in conformity to Rules One and Two. If you really want to try to persuade me to your point of view, use well-reasoned arguments supported by documentation from places other than the Democratic Underground and other places infested by Barking Moonbats on Speed(tm). Please remember that I am like most people: coaxing me works far better than beating me over the head.[...]
Finally, I reserve the right to interpret any of these rules to mean whatever I choose, and may at any point revise, retract, or remove them at my whim.
Shall we all enjoy ourselves now?
... 
PREACH it, Trace!
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